After last night’s win in New Hampshire, the media has been taken aback by how much Mitt Romney looks like a president. It’s an amazing feat, considering he doesn’t look like any U.S. president ever. If we want to elect someone who looks like a president, here’s how:
First, take the top rated presidents (I used the aggregate column on Wikipedia, sue me).
- Abraham Lincoln
- Franklin D. Roosevelt
- George Washington
- Thomas Jefferson
- Theodore Roosevelt
Next, find all the common attributes.
- a dude
- wears a suit
- over 40
So far, we have this:
Now, let’s take the top presidents and break them each down to a major characteristic. The most presidential characteristic.
So, here’s what the next president should look like:
–Constantly wearing suits.
–Loves the outdoors, but hates trees.
–Mercyfights bears and then sets them free.
–Reads a lot of books.
–A good bargainer.
So, the answer is… Marky Mark?
Yep, we’re doing it wrong.