This is what the president should look like.

After last night’s win in New Hampshire, the media has been taken aback by how much Mitt Romney looks like a president. It’s an amazing feat, considering he doesn’t look like any U.S. president ever. If we want to elect someone who looks like a president, here’s how:

First, take the top rated presidents (I used the aggregate column on Wikipedia, sue me).

  1. Abraham Lincoln
  2. Franklin D. Roosevelt
  3. George Washington
  4. Thomas Jefferson
  5. Theodore Roosevelt

Next, find all the common attributes.

  1. white
  2. a dude
  3. wears a suit
  4. over 40

So far, we have this:

White guy over 40 in a suit, possibly the next president.

Now, let’s take the top presidents and break them each down to a major characteristic. The most presidential characteristic.

5. Theodore Roosevelt. He’s outdoorsy! He wrestled bears and shot them, but only out of mercy.

4. Thomas Jefferson. He was super smart and invented some things, so he would probably have a better gun if alive today.

3. George Washington. Could not tell lies. Hated trees.

2. FDR. Made great deals, hated Nazis, decreased unemployment.

1. Abraham Lincoln. Freed the slaves, wore cool hats.

So, here’s what the next president should look like:
–A dude.
–Over 40.
–Constantly wearing suits.
–Loves the outdoors, but hates trees.
–Mercyfights bears and then sets them free.
–Invents things.
–Reads a lot of books.
–A good bargainer.
–Finds jobs.

So, the answer is… Marky Mark?

He's over 40 and wears suits.

He has lots of different hats.

He's outdoorsy, but he hates trees.

He managed to find jobs for these losers.

Yep, we’re doing it wrong.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s