Golden Globes 2012: “We could only get away with dick jokes.”

Because I care so much about you, I watched fast-forwarded through the Golden Globes and saved all the good parts.

SPOILERS: it was boring.

"I have the entire afternoon free!" "Oh really? Did 'nothing' cancel?"

The "Jodie Foster / Lesbian / Beaver" joke landed better than expected.

Madonna showing off her revolutionary nutcracker arms. She can now open walnuts with the inside of her elbow. "You'll never win, Squirrel!"

"I enjoyed your large penis, Michael." (paraphrased)


"You see that, Mara? I'll be here FOREVER."

At some point, Julie Bowen is just going to punch Sofia Vergara in the nose, and we'll finally know she's not kidding.

Sarah Paulson was there! I want good things for her.

A clip of this was shown. America was confused.

The best thing from the whole night.

And, that’s it. Why do I watch these things? Someone, help.


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